Captivating

So the cliché goes, "Every dog has its day," Well today, my proverbial dog got hit by a car...but good news, the dog lived!  It was just one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong.  Seriously, my day could have been one of the ads a friend of mine is working on for coffee makers.

6:30, intended wake up time...8:40, actual wake up time
9:00, thought pick up time...8:50, actual pick up time
I missed power yoga to do some work stuff that later ended up not needing to be turned in until later anyway.
I got a 0 on a Spanish Quiz...again.  WTF.
Someone cancelled plans on me...again.
I got in trouble for something (for lack of a better word) retarded.
I still don't have a car.

Yes, this is pretty pitiful to be upset over these things, but nevertheless, I was...among other things (of which cyberspace has no business).  So what did this wonderful day render?  "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," lime sherbet, and kettle corn.  Not so bad, I am making progress...I did not break out "Sex and the City" and cookie dough...so life is getting better.  After watching the movie, I realized I am a Cristina.  Before I thought I was Vicky...always wanting what is right, but then I realized that I am Cristina, I don't know what I want.

So...1:15am rolls around and I broke out my other rainy day quencher and self esteem guide, Captivating.  It is a book for women that helps us know our role in the world, based on Biblical teachings.  And as I was reading I came across the idea that states that all women really want to have answered to them is "Am I lovely? Do I captivate you?"  This hit me like a load of bricks. That is what I want, I want to be lovely, but for me, I seem to love sports and not wearing dresses to football games to feel this way.  I want to be captivating, I want small disagreements and bad things to go away and leave me as me.  Wouldn't it be great?  For someone just to say "You are lovely."